Vulnerability NOW!

I'd been taking these acting workshops through the SAG-AFTRA conservatory.  I took two workshops that required immediate intimacy.  Right. Now. 

Within 30 minutes in a room of complete strangers, I had to cry, love, yearn and regret. 

I delivered. That's what actors do, but I had to reflect on how each and every time actors are asked to be "authentic."  By being authentic, we lay it down, offer the most intimate moments of our lives through our bodies, speech and minds.  

After each acting experience, I'd felt, in a way, closer to something higher than myself. Was it God? Or Enlightenment? Or an elevated sense of self?

When I was doing AIDS work, some of the most spiritual times of my life were connecting with someone who was dying. There was no wall between us, it was just two human beings connecting at a core level.

That's what those acting workshops resembled--a core level of connecting.  The director and casting people were EXPECTING to connect on a deeper level, so this cold place with strangers because a temple of sorts. For 10 minutes--the time it took to act my scene--I felt something sacred.  

Who knew at an acting workshop, I'd be "taken to church." It was a nice place to be.

Black and Brown in Technicolor

I went to two exhibitions recently. Soul of Nation at the Broad and Liberacion at the Village. What struck me was the dazzling colors in the shows.  I was quite touched by it.  Why?

Soul of a Nation

I think it's because the black and brown narrative is often seen through a narrow lens--one usually of struggle and oppression.  However, these paintings offer a different story.  These artists see a multi-narrative.  Black and brown lives are far more complex, literally more colorful than others may give credit for.

Liberacion

I'm a brown man in the world.  In this country, all sorts of stories are thrown at darker skinned people. I found relief in these paintings. The brightness of these paintings reminded me of the brightness this brown man can encounter in his life.

Recycled Paradise

One of the most spiritual experiences I had in Italy was witnessing art at the Venice Biennale. In particular, I was moved by Federico Uribe's Plastic Reef, made from recycled materials.

We know trash fills ours oceans, but here Uribe creates on ocean made from trash.

He makes a political and environmental statement through creativity, yet the experience for me was spiritual. I felt like I was immersed in something otherworldly. I was generally moved by what he was saying and doing.

The colors were fantastic and the attention to detail was superb.

See more in the video...

A Buddhist in Milan

Duomo di Milano

What was inspiring about Europe was exploring the amazing art inspired for spiritual purposes.  The Duomo was an inspiring piece of architecture and The Last Supper by Leonardo da Vinci was truly awesome.

For centuries, people have attended this church and witnessed this painting, experiencing the craftsmanship of artists.  I know there are politics, even scandals, involved with churches, temples, mosques, etc.  However, I wonder if those who created these works of art had that in mind.  

When I think of creating work, I hope that it does some good in the world.  It enlightens, inspires, educates.  Whether it was the great Leonardo da Vinci or the countless artisans who built the Duomo, I wonder what they thought about.

The Last Supper

Enlightenment at the Vatican

Recently, I went to Europe and had an amazing journey.  One of them was at the Vatican, reconciling my former incarnation as a Catholic with my current life as a Buddhist. I'll post pics and experiences in later posts.  However, here's a video that I did.

Literary Meditation

From my previous post, you may have picked up my lamenting of a wasted life.  Ten years working on a novel and I didn't want to spend time on it anymore.  From some gentle nudging from friends and colleagues, I decided to spend ten--fifteen minutes at most--doing rewrites. After those minutes I was going to live my life.

Those minutes turned into an hour, and what a wonderful hour that was.  I was in the zone of writing and caring about this novel again.  I might hate it again, but at this time, I cared.

That hour was not about wasting my life.  It was a deep, creative meditation.  I didn't waste ten years of my life, I grew creatively and spiritually.  For ten years, I was sitting at my own banyan tree. The sentences I wrote were my mantra.  The resistance I felt was Mara sending arrows toward me.  Writing turned those arrows into flowers that fell at my feet.

I meditate.  Sometimes it's good, sometimes it's bad.  Whatever the "sit," it aims for my overall piece of mind.  Once I finished writing, I went for a run--something I hadn't done in awhile.  I felt jazzed.

Not a single story is wasted.  It may not find publication, but it help pad the meditation cushion where I sit.     

Literary Choices

I was asked to work on my novel Miraculous Boy.  My agent is asking me to do rewrites.  My agent is rare.  He won't give up on this book.  MB has been on the market on two separate occasions and hadn't sold.  Frankly, I'm tired of this book.  I've put in ten years into writing and rewriting this book.  I swear in all the time I'd put into it, I wondered about the job opportunities I didn't take up or the relationships that passed me buy.  I chose art making over everything else. 

Writing a book means that there are other aspects of my life I had to give up or did not pursue.  We are our choices and I chose to write.  This is not a bad choice.  I don't regret the creative process during the last ten years, but I'm nearing fifty.  At what point should I just give up and find other ways to grow my life?     

Literary Images: On Mapplethorpe, Star Trek and Being Seen

I had the pleasure of going to the Mapplethorpe shows at LACMA and the Getty.  They were amazing.  He shot iconic images and he was one of many artists we'd lost to AIDS.  His photographs tell a story of a time and place in latter part of the twentieth century.  They speak of what was attractive and interesting and edgy during the 1970s and 1980s.

Robert Mapplethorpe

Mapplethorpe's eye was truly one of a kind.  From his photographs, one can see how moving and controversial his photographs were.  He spoke of gay sex and sexuality.  He spoke of S&M--in this world of Fifty Shades of Grey, people would hardly blink now.

 
He loved working with models of color.

 
One of his favorite models was Asian female body builder Lydia Cheng.

He photographed many celebrities.

Grace Jones

Yet through these images, I kept looking for the photographs of Asian men.  As an Asian man who counts the 1980s as formative years, I thought it was interesting that we weren't there.  This is NOT a slam of Mappplethorpe.  However, I do think it was common to treat Asian men, particularly gay Asian men, like we didn't exist. The world, it seems, is merely black or white.

I also saw Star Trek Beyond.  I wanted to support the movie on the first weekend, the most important weekend for a movie.  I usually don't go to the first weekend--too crowded--but I wanted to support this.  Why?  Because it was announced that Sulu, played by John Cho, would be gay.  A gay Asian man in the future!

I was more than thrilled to know that he had an Asian husband and a child.  He had a family!

Actor/Writer Doug Jung

It was important to me that his husband was Asian.  What does it say about a gay Asian man when he couldn't even entertain the idea of loving someone who looked like himself?

I spend years at the Asian Pacific AIDS Intervention Team trying to convince my peers that safe sex was self love.  I enjoyed seeing the new Star Trek.  Even though the gay Asian story line was implied, it was nice to be part of the narrative.  It was nice to be seen.

On Painting Joshua Tree

My agent has my novel now and I'd been in limbo for several weeks now. I am a creative person and feel the tingle to write, but I'm exhausted.  I'm using my creativity in other ways though. I'm painting. Rather than words, I'm using paint, paper and canvas to speak.  I was in Joshua Tree not too long ago and took some pictures.  Yes, I have exact replicas of Joshua Tree via photos, but it's not capturing the wonder and joy that I felt.  I hope these paintings can help exude that.

Hope and Inpiration at Jury Duty

Last week, I had to be at the Van Nuys courthouse by 10am to report for jury duty (JD).  I've done JD many times.  I was usually assigned a courthouse in downtown Los Angeles.  The drive into the San Fernando Valley on a weekday morning was not something I looked forward to.  However, I wanted to do my civic duty.

I brought stuff to read.  I brought my laptop to the jury waiting room.  I'm doing rewrites on some creative projects.  The work never seems to be ready.   

I was prepared for a long and dreadful day.  Then I saw a stack of New Yorkers.  I used to be an avid reader (when my boyfriend subscribed to it).  I hadn't been with him in many years, but always enjoyed an issue when I saw one lying around, say in a doctor's office. 

On this day, there was a stack of them.  Thanks to the kind soul who left New Yorkers around for jurors to read--Good Housekeeping was not something I would have picked up for reading material.
 

I believe that things happen for a reason.  If sending me to Jury Duty was the only way the Universe would get me to read the April 29, 2013 issue of the New Yorker, I offer prostrations to all of the Gods in Heaven.  I stumbled across John McPhee's "Draft No. 4," which can be previewed here. 

The article basically talked about getting the first draft done of any writing and how the fourth draft usually looks like the most presentable.  It was this letter to his daughter, that inspired me.

Dear Jenny:  The way to do a piece of writing is three or four times over, never once.  For me, the hardest part comes first, getting something--anything--out in front of me.  Sometimes in a nervous frenzy I just fling words as if I were flinging mud at a wall.  Blurt out, heave out, babble out something--anything--as a first draft.  With that, you have achieved a sort of nucleus.  Then, as you work it over and alter it, you begin to shape sentences that score higher with the ear and eye.  Edit it again--top to bottom.  Chances are that about now you'll be seeing something that you are sort of eager for others to see.   And all that takes time.  What I have left out is the interstitial time.  You finish that first awful blurting and then you put the thing aside.  You get in your car and drive home.  On the way, your mind is still knitting at the words.  You think of a better way to say something, a good phrase to correct a certain problem.  Without the drafted version--if it did not exist--you obviously would not be thinking of things that would improve it.  In short, you may be actually writing only two or three hours a day, but your mind, in one way or another, is working on it twenty-four hours a day--yes, while you sleep--but only if some sort of draft or earlier version already exists.  Until it exists, writing has not really begun. 

Sumi and Me

Every once and awhile, I get to do something really cool.  On October 27, I wen to the launch of the Philippine Heritage Collection at the Echo Park Library.  That was the library I used to go to as a child.  It was truly a remarkable feeling being apart of this event, particularly since my novels have scenes set in the area.

What a greater joy it was to sit next to Sumi Haru, a woman who recently released a memoir about her life.  I'd greatly admired this woman for a long time.  Back in the 1990's I went to an event that the Screen Actors Guild was sponsoring for actors of color in Hollywood.  Sumi was one of their panelists.  She had been on SAG's board since the 1970's and did amazing work to push for equal opportunities for minority actors in entertainment.

Now, in her 70's, Ms. Haru continues to grow and change.  Author is her latest title.

Sculpture and Stuff

There were some wacky things that were shown at the LA Art Show. Among all of the beautiful paintings and vibrant colors, it was nice to see some work that was a little more challenging.



I liked this pod theme. I really had to look at it to comprehend what it was about. I like seeing art that causes me to see the world differently.

These life-like torsos was something to behold!

This three-eyed Asian dude gave me the creeps--in a good way. He stands about 2 and half feet and was positioned behind glass. I wondered what was the artist's intent in doing this. The "third eye" is an important pychic trait in some cultures. Seen in that way, it becomes less scary and more provocative.

The LA Art Show is HERE!!!

I went to the opening night of the LA Art Show. What an amazing event. It's great to start off the year being exposed to art from all over the world. Galleries and artists make the trek to our glamorous city to see if we're intereted in paintings, sculture, prints. If you're wondering, you bet we are.

I spoke with one gallerist who had come for the past several years because the LA scene is so supportive of artists. Another gallerist said she has three different booths at the show to showcase work from the east coast. She contacted her west coast clients, and was happy to see that they came.

I'll be blogging about the event all weekend, so keep dropping by. The China Pavillion, Santa Fe Art, the Buddhist exhibit, Northern California galleries were a highlight for this writer. I'll be sharing images in the next few days.


One critique I had about last year's show was the lack of social commentary that art can provide. That was not the case this year as visitors were greeted with performance artists carrying signs educating us about rape. It grounded the evening, reminding us that art can inspire change and thought.



Upon entering, it seemed the energy changed quite drastically as we're greeted with a large fortune cookie!

The fortune cookie theme continued into the show...

There was a showing of some familiar names:
Jasper Johns

Basquiat

Joan Miro

There is a ton to see. Go check it out.

LA Art Show Mash Up

The LA Art Show ended today at 5pm. It was a full five days of visiting galleries and artists from all over the world. The best part was viewing work I wouldn't necessarily would have seen otherwise.

Meeting Tao Dong Dong was a personal highlight for me. He lives in Beijing, so I thought it was treat

Some performance art took place. This artist rolled around in a potato sack.

Believe it or not this is not a live person. She is literally a piece of art.

Me chatting it up with Magnolo Bulgarin, Gallery Director at Pyo Gallery in dowtown LA.


My mother and sister came to the art show. That was the best time of all!

First Nation Art

Native American, AKA First Nation, art has been around, well, before the United States became the second nation. Native Americans have been the subject for many artists (check out the Andy Warhal piece above). Their lives continue to inspire, and serve as a constant reminder of injustices committed against indigenous people.







There were many pieces at the show. Not surprisingly, galleries from the Southwest featured the lion's share of Native American Art. Yes, there were traditional renderings of American Indian life (above); however, there were newer, more abstract pieces, like the ones by Native American artist Tony Abeyta (below).

China, Loud and Clear

Unless you've been living in a cave, you may have noticed China's emergence in global discussions: politics, economics, sports (they whupped ass in the Olympics). But there's always been that not-so great record on human rights. For obvious reasons, divisive political art in China is frowned upon, however, there are creative Chinese voices coming through loud and clear. It was evident at the LA Art Show.

Freedom of expression seems to be tolerated, as long as its charming. There was no work recalling Tianemen or demanding freedom for Tibet. Gallerists probably chose the pieces at the artshow, thinking they'd best appeal to westerners. It certainly appealed to me. The work displayed was incredible. Large, colorful pieces overwhelmed walls, as if to say that the Chinese voice is truly THIS BIG. Playful and melancholy were sentiments that I took away from the work exhibited.

For some of the galleries, this was their first time showing in the US.

It was refreshing to see work by Chinese women at the art show. Artist Hao Li in front of her painting. She's exhibited all over the world.

My childhood came rushing back when I saw this piece!

An artist that I hyperventilated over meeting was Tao Dong Dong. His visions of seeing his subjects through water has awed me for quite some time. I was thrilled to do this impromptu vid of him.