
I've been saving up for a new computer, a laptop. My old computer, a fossil from the last century, is giving me problems. I'd been looking at computers for months, but I'm shy of buying. You see, I have this little problem: I hate letting go--of anything! I hate letting go of money and my old computer. I hate to say that I'm stingy or cheap. I just have so much attachment to these things (There's a reason why Buddhists believe grasping is the root of suffering.) I ate cheaply, went to less movies, stayed home most Friday and Saturday nights to save up for a computer. It took several months of effort. Now, I don't want to let that money go, because I worked so hard to get it. The same with my old computer. I've written two novels on it, countless stories and essays. The keyboard is dirty from my greasy fingers pounding on it. I know money and a computer are just objects, but I attached memories, meaning to these things. It makes it hard to let go.
My last hold out is my car. I've kept it alive for 16 years. My car, Buster, has outlasted relationships. Buster has helped me move props to theatres, furniture to different apartments, driven me to writing classes, helped me take dates to dinner. I've made love in that car! (Okay, maybe that was too much information.) You get the gist. I can't see myself giving Buster up. I got it when I graduated college. My best friend Adele said Buster is almost college age himself and I need to let go of it.
Oy, I need to meditate on this.